In trust I trust

By the time I reached 40 I celebrated with a fine party full of friends, laughter and 'love'. I had been in a relationship for 5 years, been accepted by her three daughters and even been called grand dad by the new baby, a role I actually relished. If you scratched the surface a little and the gold came away to reveal the lead underneath. Sex was non-existent and we were little better than friends living a house we bought and couldn't sell.
The breaking point came in the cruelest manner, the middle daughter was 18, done well at school, taking driving lessons, in a relationship that made her happy and had just been accepted at her college of choice, I was very proud as I had played a large part in her life. Then she fell ill, she had a few trips to hospital, a few tests and the result was if she lived for another year she would be lucky. She caught a virus which effected her heart and nothing short of a transplant would help....no doner could be found, I got a call that she had collapsed in college and she never came round. I was devastated like everyone, months and months it took it even come close to getting my life back, but the realisation dawned that that life was gone. My partner had been seeing other people and I decided to leave. The house is still up for sale 4 years later. She still lives there.
I moved out, rented and I was alone again, just me and PC. Time to do something I had denied myself for 20 years, I was going to meet a woman for a domination wrestling session. I had found a website years ago where women who offered wrestling session advertised, there were loads of them and at least 40 or so in the UK, Eventually I chose, contacted, paid, set the rules (no sex etc) and before I knew it I was held, helpless in a very potent pair of thighs. The culmination of a life of fantasies was never going to live up to the hype, it was good but there was something missing. She was a good wrestler, had some martial arts training and had a full figure what on earth was missing. I enjoyed it but I wasn't moved, the most important part of any sub/mistress connection was missing. I didn't trust her, I had not given myself to her heart and soul, you cannot buy that for £200 an hour. This was a surface exercise, filling my head with a few masturbatory memories for a later date without that trust, I was always on the defensive. I was slightly crestfallen by the whole thing.
Time went on and my mind still went back to what could have been and it was constantly telling me that unless you met someone, connected with them mentally, and gave yourself to them wholly then your sub fantasy would always be slightly hollow....Then, one afternoon while idilly twittering, I started talking to a lady, a beautiful, strong minded, intelligent, martial artist who was a natural dom lady who approved of my sub nature...something clicked in my head, I had found my Mistress.